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the bee's knees, the cat's whiskers, and the element of surprise

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i wish
i dream
i wait
i scream
i eat
i sleep
i shower
i weap
i sneeze
i lie
i drive
i die
i wish
i dream
i wait

i wait

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she's dancing through my mind
Current Location:
stuck at the computer
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i was driving on the skyway with taj mahal blaring and i thought of you and sang baby won't you come by me yeah, spare me this misery sugar won't you come by me, oh I know you'll agree, 'gree, 'gree, 'gree to love me to my soul, oh to rock me to my soul ooh rock me to my soul, oh rock me to my soul.

nothing feels good like you in red and blue jeans and your white and night things.

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there's a restaurant in gunma-machi, japan called "ristorante itariano".

yeah, itariano.

ohhhh, harrow hans brix.

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remember when i told you guys that i would have a little more free time this semester because i would have less work to do? well i think i have less work to do, but it's way harder than anything i've ever done in grad school. those phd students (no offense deb) can kiss my ass. they think they have it hard? try making 40 minutes interesting to a bunch of buttheads who want to ruin your day. ok it's not that bad, but the work piles up. i have amillion things going on in my life, and LA is quickly becoming the least important, yet still the most stressfull. i'll feel better tomorrow. here's to an average-to-good day.
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so far while teaching i've been called a pothead, a geek, rivers cuomo, and tobey mcguire.
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well they did. they are now the state champs for their section. and who said white men can't jump? i mean if the only white kid is 6'9", who needs him to jump? honestly?
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lackawanna is one win away from being state champs. i've been there 2 weeks but i feel proud. one of the best startes is a student of mine.

oh robert creeley, how you once pined:
I want to hold your hand
I want to sing with the band
I want to make a stand
I want to change this land…

Oh, I wanna

I want to welcome all
I want all to call
Not feel small
Conquer the mall…

Oh, I wanna

Music's my man
I make it as I can

Listen every day
It don't go away
It's here to stay
Makes the most of the least

A portable feast
Soothes the savage beast…

Oh, I wanna

I want to welcome you
To the scrumptious stew
Of tracks laid down here
For your golden ear
It's all still there
And it's coming near
Listen, you hear?


Oh, I wanna

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today was my last day student teaching at cheektowaga. i honestly wonder: what other profession offers some 90 students throwing me a party and making thank you/good luck cards? they put white streamers over the door so when i walked through it was like a whoosh kind of thing. they bought donuts and drinks and even pizza.

the funny thing is, i was wondering "well this is so nice. does so and so really deserve an 80? does this warrant an 85?" the answer is no, of course, but it was funny.

overall i had a wonderful time. the only "bad" days were just before long breaks when no one wanted to work or pay attention. my only behaviour problem was when two students wanted to fight, but the bigger and stronger of the two never stood up (so there was no scrawny english teacher saying "whoa whoa whoa guys, let's break it up). i mean i did say that, but i didn't stand up or make any physical movements. other than that, and the occasional misfit acting up or attracting attention, i enjoyed my stay. i mean even those tougher days were good to me.

it won't hit me until i walk into lackawanna on monday. yeah, lackawanna. truth be told, everyone i know said "good luck" and made a face when i said "cheektowaga." but i guess this time, the lack is much worse. i'm already a little excited to start fresh, though, in the sense that i can begin entire new units and do whatever i want. i have all this experience and confidence, so i'm willing to try a whole bunch of different things.

so here's what i did during my stay at the cheek. i got to teach a bunch of really cool short stories, like "old mother and the grouch," "crossing spider-creek," and "stockings." i also taught raymond carver's "the bath" and "a small good thing." we workshopped their stories and discussed what makes a good story. we talked about going against the denoument and fighting the rising/falling action. we watched the chinese restaraunt episode from seinfeld to look at details and little things.

we watched outfoxed and fahrenheit 9/11. some students cried. we did film presentations on other contemporary documentaries. we started making a film about real issues. i unfortunately will have to go back to see the end product.

we learned about woodstock and watched jimi's patriotism explode on stage vs. insane clown posse's wrestling and fago-throwing antics. we compared crosby, stills, nash & young's "cost of freedom" to limp bizkit's "break stuff." we discussed ways to remain an individual and make choices even though we are inundated with messages and ads all the time. we looked critically at a poorly written book in order to become better readers (samuel richardson would be proud). i explained what "emo" really means. we compared michael moore's The awful truth to outfoxed to the weekly standard. in the end, we wrote our own persuasive rants against an important issue, and then posted them to class blogs. the kids made comments and added pictures, and man do that project rock.

i'm sure there's more, but you get the idea. cheektowaga is a great school and i will miss those kids and jim and kristen and eating lunch with other ST and complaining but laughing about how many times it takes to give the homework assignment. i could do a "if i had to do it all over again" thought process, but right now i just want to enjoy the memories. i will dissect myself once i begin teaching at lackawanna this week. it's weird because i build all these strong relationships with kids, and then i'm forced to disconnect immediately. in 2 days time i will have to forget them and make new connections. i'm thinking of going back to visit this week if i get the chance.

* * *

i'm running down the stairs. i can see out the windows. i think i'm looking for my brother. those windows aren't there anymore. those stairs aren't there anymore. my brother's still there. he's twenty seven.

i'm running down the stairs, looking for my brother. i can't wait to show him my superman cape. this time it's got two safety pins holding it in place. velcro won't do the trick. metal on metal. i'm grinning ear to ear.

i'm running down the stairs. i reach the door. it smells like july. i yell something. nick, maybe. guess what, i think i say. he runs up behind me. he grabs my superman cape. the cape rips from the shirt. the cape is in his hands.

i'm running up the stairs.

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i feel good knowing somewhere in japan you are laughing.
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my dad just called me on my cell and we talked for 18 minutes and nineteen seconds, and it just made my day.
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iknowshe'swhatiseewhenmyeyesclose
* * *
you gave me a heartbreak sandwhich when you went to college...
i know i gave you a dirt sandwhich when you needed to cry and i wanted to kiss...
the picture we ended up painting was a plate with a half-eaten sandwhich...
meaning we always took what we wanted and left the rest...

this band...so deep...so deep...

* * *
sometimes we have to let life unfold organically to truly appreciate the many moments we so desperately want to say "take the picture now."

"Cause I just want to be
Something more than the mud in your eyes
I want to be the clay in your hands"

-mineral

* * *
* * *
if i press the keys lightly, will she think i'm whispering in her ear?
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if i knew how to say the way i felt for the last three weeks, i wouldn't have a livejournal. debbie, i'm just smitten with you all over again. not that your smitteness ever went away. you just got a whole lot cuter in person. thank you for sacrificing just to see me, as well as getting me to japan next month. 7 weeks ain't got nothing on us. love you to pieces.
* * *
Cut the kid some slack. Cut the kid some cake.
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